New Day, Old Shirt.

Today I wore a shirt to work which had been sitting in my closet for 10 years. I am surprised that it still fit. To give you a some insight as to why this is
note-worthy for me, in the last 10 years I have worn that shirt — TWICE.

I would see this shirt hanging in my closet, I saw it almost everyday for 10 years, but I never got around to putting it on. I would always find reasons, thinking it is not me,
it won’t look good on me, at one point I was too fat for it (True story). But no matter what, day after day, despite of buying it out of all the other amazing shirts
in the store, I rejected it.

I wonder, how many times did we reject (or were rejected) the people who we thought were a good fit. Whom we loved out of all the other available options in the market
but never “wore” it. I never gave up the shirt in all these years and I cleaned out my closet multiple times. And today, after 10 years of it sitting in my closet, I finally
put it on and realized this had been a perfect fit all along. I should know, I even got compliments for it.

People, on the other hand, won’t stay in your closet forever. People will not wait for years for you to accept them and see them for who they truly could have been
— A Perfect Fit.

I wonder while I am typing these words wearing this amazing shirt circa 2008, how many great fits did I miss out on?

(And Vice-Versa.)

Question.

At what point do you realize, that no matter how much you indulge yourself in the drug that is social media,
there will come a moment in the day where it has nothing more to offer, and you would have to go back to floating in the dark void that is your life.

How long can we sustain a day without feeling an immense pressure to breakdown, and just not get up?

Is it possible that in the millennium that we exist, our lives can be so fast-paced that we can escape the one thing we are all afraid to face, our own-self?

In a moment of utter emptiness, I find myself asking this question –

Would I survive?

Rain Over Me. . .

Loved you like the sun in winter,
cared just as the summer breeze.
You gave me back rain and thunder,
and then let go what’s left of me.

Busy and tired I worked as a bee,
Gave you back sweetness and serenity.
You flooded my efforts,
my flowers, my valley,
and washed away what I had for thee.

You roared, you rumbled,
boomed then thundered,
you poured over me your agony.
I was left feeling feckless,
drowning in my own misery.

But, my love
my only reason to live and breathe.
For my little thirst of subsistence,
I willingly implore you,
to come rain over me. . .

 

10 Things I’d Like To Do Before I Die.

 

1. Get drunk in Oktoberfest.
Not that I have an appetite for drinking, BUT, I mean, c’mon. Its OKTOBERFEST. C’mon.

 

 

2. Take a road trip to Ladakh.
Nope, its not over-hyped. Yes, it is freaking amazing. HELL YES, I can’t drive.
(Gotta add that to the ‘shamelessly, the things I still can’t do’ list)

3. Publish a book.
I am no Jeffery Archer. But I sure can pen down a thought or two. Besides, all the beautiful people with the touching stories who have inspired me, deserve to be written about.

 

4. Be a mother.
Alright, alright. Don’t give me the ‘typical girl’ sigh. But its a miraculous thing, and one of the most purest relationship that exists.

 

5. Learn to sail.
There are three things in the world, which, for me, are breathtaking-ly beautiful: view from a mountain top, eyes of a pure soul and sea. 

 

6. Sky dive!
If you don’t have this in your ’10 things I’d like to do before I die’ list, then its a HUGE MISTAKE. Unless you’re Acrophobic or something. 

 

7. Attend a concert.
Yea, yea. That’s right. I haven’t seen any of my favorite bands play live. I live in India! Don’t judge me.

 

8. Take a trip to Europe.
So much History, diverse cultures, such delicious food, SWISS CHOCOLATES, Football, anything not worth it? I don’t think so.

 

9. Watch a football match.
I am a girl, and I can tell when it is offside. Woo-Hoo! Blame it on my boyfriend. Actually….nope, thanks for it. 

 

10. Finally, arrange for a death reaper to attend my funeral with a tape recorder playing knockin’ on heavens door. 
Ah. Perfetto.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1ZRBPA8SK0

 

Tale Of A One Seater Motorcycle.

     ‘You’ll never hear a story about something ordinary, people don’t find it worth their time.
Sure, you pity them, tell them they’re doing great and how it all matters, when actually it doesn’t. You never hear a story about something mediocre, you don’t gossip about it, you ignore it because it is everywhere. But what happens when you spot a UFO? You want everybody to
know, you make sure everybody knows, but of course what we’re talking about has nothing to
do with UFO’s, though you consider them almost as equals. You call them outcasts. Because something about their demeanor is different, they are different, and they are so awkwardly comfortable and proud of it. They flaunt it, they make sure it is seen, that they are heard. They
are everywhere! You just need to look out of your pathetic lives and see it. Because what you’ll see, is a difference.’

                                                              – He who didn’t wish to be named.

   He set off on his one seated motorcycle early in the morning, its one of the few things he called ‘routine’. Morning’s are the only time when the air is fresh, the city is calm, the roads are like fresh flowers with dew, everything is moving in a slow motion. No one is in a hurry, nobody is late, not a single soul concerned with a motion called ‘time’.
Most of the people he knew loved his ‘ride’, but it also concerned them as to why there wasn’t a seat for a pillion rider. ‘These are my legs that walk me down on the road of my destiny, nobody else can ever be fit for it, its like shoes, they’re not your size’. Needless to say his family was concerned, they didn’t like people talking about him, they were hurt. What most people refused to see is how difficult it is for him, to be riding alone forever. It wasn’t just about a pillion rider, it was a decision he had to stand by no matter what.
‘Its so easy for people to attach themselves to some other human being, but that is not the problem, the problem is when the time arrives to let them go. Its a human cycle that you fail to understand, one has to leave for another to come. Life, just like a book has chapters, and if you have someone that has been steady through most of it then you’re lucky. But you have to remember that in order for a new phase to begin, the previous one has to end, still you make a big deal about it, you make it a mess, possibly ruin every good thing, and then it hits you like brick. That is the problem, you people like the messy, you like the pain.‘

   He told me about the great things he had to give up, but he had no regrets. There was one thing he learned everyday over and over again – it is your journey. Nobody else can be with you in it, because they have their own journey to take, their own dreams to conquer. ‘Having a companion is great, it is one of the most poetically significant thing for a human. But you ruin it the moment you make it about the other one, you focus on their outcomes, on their actions, you start picking their mistakes and then eventually expect things whereas the only thing you had to do is focus on YOU. Focus on your actions, your outcomes, your own mistakes. That is the one most efficient way to keep the other one happy, by taking care of yourself. But imagination and fiction can be misleading, also, it can be a bitch.’

It can get pretty lonely, because the road you take may be one of those which have never been traveled. As you know, it is not easy. But one does not come down to such things because they ‘feel like’, it is always a push, some grave mistakes, some things which cannot be salvaged. Its only then when one of these two things come out in a person – Greatness or Necessary Evil. The latter can be seen everywhere, its the greatness that is rare and easily ignored. ‘People are so above themselves, they think they have a right to tell someone when they are wrong, when someone makes mistakes, when they are hurt because of it. They have a long term memory for wrong things and a short term memory for the kind. When someone says ‘one wrong can undo a hundred rights’ they are nothing but hypocrites. It takes heart and soul to do something good for someone, and it clearly has no value, if it did, they would know what to place above what. People must acknowledge their own mistakes, see things for themselves and know that making mistakes is a good thing. Its when you have done many mistakes, you’ll yearn and guilt will be one of the few lanterns, which will light your way.’

He kicked-started his motorcycle, who knew that even an engine’s roar could have so much to say, his one seated beauty shone against the rising sun as he set off, soon disappearing, as if he was never there. . .

 

I Don’t Have A Pen.

I am lying in the dark,
staring straight through the ceiling,
imagining the stars,
above my head that I am feeling.

I glance across the room,
the four walls that entrap me.
I see a guitar un-tuned,
waiting for a moment to smite me.

I see clothes all scattered,
none to me that fit.
I am lost in my thoughts, I feel them shatter,
as under the moonlight I sit.

Just then I feel the breeze,
how I wish if it could be your touch.
I want this moment to freeze,
never changing; not little or much.

I sing to myself aloud,
as I feel a sudden rush of pain.
I experience losing all senses,
but its a different high I gain.

I rewind back my thoughts,
and I hear them all again.
So I grab a blank paper,
but I don’t have a pen..

I Had A Dream Last Night.

I had a dream last night. . . . . .

05.05 A.M., 20 years ago, somewhere in this world.
*loud cries of a baby*

“Congratulations!! It’s a girl!”“Oh! Look at you, my daughter. I’m going to love you like there’s no tomorrow, I’ll always have your back, and most importantly, I’m going to raise you to become an extra-ordinary woman.”

The little girl stopped crying, she opened her eyes, and saw her whole life flash in the eyes of her father. She experienced a new emotion, she smiled.

“Dad, I think I’m afraid of the dark. I don’t see any colors! How do I see things if I don’t see any colors?”
“Darling, you’re about to learn something new today. You are going to learn how to see things with your eyes closed, and soon enough, you’ll see people the same way. You’ll see them through your heart, because you are not like the others. You are extra-ordinary, and never ever be afraid of anything, let the world fear you, for you’ll be the change they would want to see”

Little did the girl know about the intensity of her father’s words, but soon she’ll understand everything he ever said.
From that time on, she fell in love with the dark.

“Hey Pa, we have to prepare a speech for English class, pick what we will be in our future, and tell them why, but I am still struggling with ‘what’ let alone ‘why’.”
“That is very simple, tell them you’ll be yourself”

She laughed faintly.

Time arrived for her speech; surrounded by future Doctors, Lawyers, Actors and Ministers; she proudly announced that she’ll be herself, and also a writer. There was a slight giggle in the classroom. She won the competition.

Her life was turning out to be perfect. She was reading a lot, had the best set of friends, she was dancing, singing, acting, and loving science. But most importantly, she had a special relationship, something like no other. ‘I am extra-ordinary‘, she whispered to herself, keeping the earth below her feet.

Some time later, she experienced another emotion. Pain. Her father was hospitalized, she wasn’t even sure what that meant. She believed he’d come out of it like the strong man he is, and by God’s grace, she wasn’t disappointed. But the future held something else in store for this innocent child

“Remember, no matter how you are on the outside, no matter whatever you go through, keep your soul clean, life will become much easier that way, and remind yourself that you are special.”

11.15 P.M. 8 years ago, somewhere in this world.
*long beep*

There was a flat line

The world shattered, the heart ached, tears rolled out, silence grew, something inside her died.
She lost her special relationship and she lost herself

Little while later. . . An angelic voice echoed.

“You know Priyanka, my Mom told me once, ‘life is all about phases, one ends and another begins, just like waves’…“

She could never fill the void, she liked the pain, it was bitter-sweet. Also, from that day on, she vowed to find herself, to be the extra-ordinary woman, to be the change the world would want to see, to be herself, to live her father’s dream, to work hard and become a writer, only to fail over and over again. But she was reminded by her soul that she is meant to be special, and she continued fighting.

A couple of years had passed. The harshest nightmare came to life. She couldn’t recognize herself, it dawned on her, she had become mediocre!

I had a dream last night. . . .

“What have you done to yourself! Can you imagine the pain I feel, how much it hurts, how disappointed I am to see MY DAUGHTER, who I raised to be extra-ordinary, become MEDIOCRE!! How could have you done this to yourself, how dare you let it happen! I get a chance, to see how my daughter is doing, and this is what I see? I am disappointed Priyanka. Just disappointed.”

He called her by her name, he never did that when he was alive. She didn’t quite understand the tone, was he screaming? He never did that either. She was lost for words. She woke up in pain. It really hurt.

7.05 A.M. 20 years later, somewhere in this world.

That morning, she made some harsh decisions. About herself, about her life.
But will she be able to comprehend? ‘No! No more thinking like a mediocre. Be the miracle, change things, do what you did best, inspire!‘ Barely some moments had passed, she was lost in her imagination. She experienced another emotion, she felt blessed.

Note to the reader : Take whatever you can from the words written above, even though its difficult to understand. Mistakes are made to be undone by the greatness that lives inside us. I don’t how it all sounds, boring, weird, strange or amazing. That is yours to decide.

Thank you for reading!

Road To Redemption. .

A shadow by my side,
momentary breaths.
shuddering steps,
and dreams ahead.

I walk on my way 
towards impulsiveness,
‘Its a road less traveled, 
don’t take it’ they said.

I dream with open eyes,
living in obliviousness.
Swim in the mighty tides
of my thoughts, I never rest.

Ice is like the sun,
sun like snowy winters.
Such is my glory,
my untethered visions.

I lay awake
under the stars that wink at me.
Take a look at my life,
in a way they would see.

I see a void,
a vacuum, emptiness.
I wonder what would fill it?
Love or simple consciousness.

There are numerous answers,
some you may never find.
The beauty of life is such,
its arduous yet divine!

So I take a vow,
to help my soul breathe.
To achieve an oasis of serenity,
no more tears for me to weep.

*VOW*

“This life is lonely, dark and deep,
but I have certain promises to keep,
and miles to go. . . .before I sleep.”

 

 

 

A Reverie.

Thousands of eyes rest on me,
resembling the scorching sun.
They’re all looking down upon me,
as my soul tries to run.  .  .  .

Run away from this vicious world,
who tries to tether my thoughts.
My hopes and my imagination,
of love and peace, from the start.  

Times have arrived where the people,
my people, have lost their faith,
In goodness and in humanity, 
but not cruelty and hate.

My soul thinks, as it runs away,
how would it feel, to become a child?
Would I see the world differently,
Would the Gods of benevolence shine?

As I close my eyes and kneel down,
to the omnipresent almighty.
I think of the words which best describe,
the grief, the sorrow, the anxiety.

But I pray no more for the eradication,
of negativity in our thoughts.
Love conquers all – they say,
so here is what I sought.

 

I wish, my lord, you bestow on us,
the ability to forgive and love.
To make this world a happier place,
by subjugating the evil and the worse.

When that happens,
our universe will become, 
as happier and merrier I dreamed it to be.
And we shall all pass the baton,
of love and serenity.

Time had changed..and it has changed again.

*FLASHBACK*

I woke up this morning to despair and pain,
Time had changed and it has changed again.
Its the absence of someone that once I could claim,
I’ve lost a battle, and its just me to blame.

I opened my eyes and saw nothing I did,
No walls, no windows or something to heed.
All I saw was a white expanse,
With a stormy wind,
Touching the surface of the land.

*PRESENT*

I shiver with cold and there’s no one for me to care,
I die in vain as a hundred people stare.
‘You love me – I know’, I said to myself,
But I’m lost in the snow, wrong again.

I keep looking for your love, your anger, your caress,
But all I find to cuddle, is your beautiful dress.
You gave me birth and despised me too,
Still deep inside, I’ll keep loving you.

*PREDICTS*

For now I’m a vagrant,
I’ve lost all my hope.
I see a ray of sunlight,
But there’s a long way to go.
‘An Eternal Life’ – I dreamed of years back,
So I’ll be living it now, and in the years ahead.

*PRESUMES*

I catch a glimpse of someone, someone is so true,
Got closer and nearer, that is when I found you.
Eyes as deep as the ocean, no more pain for you to feel,
Just the purest soul, whose come for me to heal.
No cold for my hands to shiver,
No hatred that pierces my heart.
Only the warmth of love for which,
I have waited from the start.

*FUTURE*

When I wake up this morning,
There is no despair, no pain.
No absence of someone,
I can still claim.
No battle to win or lose,
No one to blame.
TIME HAD CHANGED…AND IT HAS CHANGED AGAIN.